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极彩娱乐app-磨难是人生绕不开的弯路,但爱不会扔掉你

admin 2019-08-05 221人围观 ,发现0个评论

假如处于人生最困难的时间,你将怎样持续日子?Kate Bowler在人生逐步步入正轨的时分被确诊出患有IV期癌症,那时她的儿子仅仅只需一岁。面临无法预知的灾祸,咱们的人生都是纸糊的。可是在阅历苦楚挣扎之后,Kate Bowler信任即使是在黑暗里,也会有夸姣,也会有爱。虽然她演讲时声响呜咽,眼睛闪着泪光,可是却温顺又坚决。

中英全文(来自TED官网)

There is some medical news that nobody, absolutely nobody, is prepared to hear. I certainly wasn't.

有一些医疗音讯,肯定没人期望听到。我当然也没有。

It was three years ago that I got a call in my office with the test results of a recent scan. I was 35 and finally living the life I wanted. I married my high school sweetheart and had finally gotten pregnant after years of infertility. And then suddenly we had a Zach, a perfect one-year-old boy/dinosaur, depending on his mood. And having a Zach suited me perfectly. I had gotten the first job I applied for in academia, land of a thousand crushed dreams. And there I was, working at my dream job with my little baby and the man I had imported from Canada.

三年前,我在办公室接到一通电话,是我最近一次医疗扫描的成果。我其时35岁,总算过上了朝思暮想的日子。我嫁给了高中的恋人,在数年的尽力之后总算成功怀孕。没过多久扎克就来临人世,完美的一岁小男孩,有时却像个恐龙,这要看他的心境。具有扎克的日子十分合适我。我从千人中锋芒毕露,第一次成功应聘了校园的岗位。其时,我做着期望中的作业,身边陪同的是我的小孩,和我从加拿大“进口”的老公。

But a few months before, I'd started feeling pain in my stomach and had gone to every expert to find out why. No one could tell me. And then, out of the blue, some physician's assistant called me at work to tell me that I had stage IV cancer, and that I was going to need to come to the hospital right away. And all I could think of to say was, "But I have a son. I can't end. This world can't end. It has just begun." And then I called my husband, and he rushed to find me and I said all the true things that I have known. I said, "I have loved you forever, I have loved you forever. I am so sorry. Please take care of our son." And then as I began the walk to the hospital, it crossed my mind for the first time, "Oh. How ironic." I had just written a book called "Blessed."

但数月前,我开端感觉胃疼,我访问了许多专家,想查清原因。没人能解说清楚。之后毫无征兆的,某医师的帮手在我作业时打电话给我,奉告我患上了四期癌症,而且我需求马上前往医院。其时我大脑里仅有能想到的话是:“但我还有个儿子,我不能死。这个国际不能完毕,这才刚刚开端。”之后我打电话给我老公,他飞驰过来,我对他说了我全部的真心话。我说:“我一向爱着你,我一向爱着你。十分对不住。请照顾好咱们的儿子。”然后我前往医院,途中我第一次想到,“天呐,太挖苦了。”我才刚写了一本叫“祝愿”的书。

I am a historian and an expert in the idea that good things happen to good people. I research a form of Christianity nicknamed "the prosperity gospel," for its very bold promise that God wants you to prosper. I never considered myself a follower of the prosperity gospel. I was simply an observer. The prosperity gospel believes that God wants to reward you if you have the right kind of faith. If you're good and faithful, God will give you health and wealth and boundless happiness. Life is like a boomerang: if you're good, good things will always come back to you. Think positively. Speak positively. Nothing is impossible if you believe.

我是一名历史学家,笃信“好人有好报”的说法。我研讨了基督教的一支,别称“成功神学”,它的姓名很直白地告知你天主期望你成功。我从不认为自己是成功神学的信徒,我仅仅是个调查者。成功神学认为,若你有正确的崇奉,天主就会奖赏你。假如你是个好人,又很忠诚,天主就会赐给你健康、财富,以及无量的高兴。生命就像个回旋镖:假如你是个好人,那么你就会得到好报。想活跃的事,说活跃的话。世上无难事,只怕有心人。

I got interested in this very American theology when I was 18 or so, and by 25 I was traveling the country interviewing its celebrities. I spent a decade talking to televangelists with spiritual guarantees for divine money. I interviewed countless megachurch pastors with spectacular hair about how they live their best lives now. I visited with people in hospital waiting rooms and plush offices. I held hands with people in wheelchairs, praying to be cured. I earned my reputation as destroyer of family vacations for always insisting on being dropped off at the fanciest megachurch in town. If there was a river running through the sanctuary, an eagle flying freely in the auditorium, or an enormous spinning golden globe, I was there.

当我18岁左右的时分,对这类美国特征的神学感兴趣,25岁时,我周游国家、采访名人信徒。我在十年间与电视布道者攀谈,他们深信天主会给让你赋有。我采访过许多藏着惊人发型的大教堂主教,关于现在他们是怎样活出精彩的。我探望过在医院等候室和奢华办公室中的人,我也与坐在轮椅上的人握手攀谈,他们祈求自己能好起来。我被叫作“家庭休假极彩娱乐app-磨难是人生绕不开的弯路,但爱不会扔掉你的破坏者”,由于我总是要求在镇上靓丽的大教堂处下车。假如一处圣殿全部河流通过、礼堂上回旋扭转着老鹰,或是上面有巨大的旋转金球,我必定会出现在那个当地。

When I first started studying this, the whole idea of being "blessed" wasn't what it is today. It was not, like it is now, an entire line of "#blessed" home goods. It was not yet a flood of "#blessed" vanity license plates and T-shirts and neon wall art. I had no idea that "blessed" would become one of the most common cultural cliches, one of the most used hashtags on Instagram, to celebrate barely there bikini shots, as if to say, "I am so blessed. Thank you, Jesus, for this body."

当我开端研讨这些时,“祝愿”这个概念不是现在的意思,这个概念并不像现在这样,有一整条完好的“#祝愿”家居产品工业线。那时没有许多个性化“#祝愿”车牌,或是T恤和霓虹灯艺术墙。我没想到“祝愿”会开展成一个常见的文明俗套,变成instagram上最常用的标签之一,仅仅是用于庆祝比基尼短裤,就如同在说:“我被祝愿着,谢谢你,耶稣,给了我这副身体。”

I had not yet fully grasped the way that the prosperity gospel had become the great civil religion, offering another transcendent account of the core of the American Dream. Rather than worshipping the founding of America itself, the prosperity gospel worshipped Americans. It deifies and ritualizes their hungers, their hard work and moral fiber.

我还没彻底了解成功神学是怎样成为了首要的国民宗教,为美国梦的中心做出另一个超凡的解说。成功神学推重的不是美国树立的自身,而是美国人。它将美国人的巴望、尽力和道德品质崇高化及典礼化。

Americans believe in a gospel of optimism, and they are their own proof. But despite telling myself, "I'm just studying this stuff, I'm nothing like them," when I got my diagnosis, I suddenly understood how deeply invested I was in my own Horatio Alger theology. If you live in this culture, whether you are religious or not, it is extremely difficult to avoid falling into the trap of believing that virtue and success go hand in hand. The more I stared down my diagnosis, the more I recognized that I had my own quiet version of the idea that good things happen to good people. Aren't I good? Aren't I special somehow? I have committed zero homicides to date.

美国人深信极彩娱乐app-磨难是人生绕不开的弯路,但爱不会扔掉你乐观主义,他们自己便是见证。虽然我告知自己:“我仅仅在研讨这个东西,我与他们不同,”当我拿到确诊书时,我忽然了解,自己已深陷霍雷肖阿尔杰理论中。假如你日子在这种文明中,不论你是否信教,很难防止堕入这样一种思想:美德和成功是联络在一起的。我越盯着看确诊书,越是认识到,关于“好人有好报”这句话,我有着自己的了解。我不优异吗?我某种程度上不是绝无仅有的吗?至今停止,我从未杀过人。

So why is this happening to me? I wanted God to make me good and to reward my faith with just a few shining awards along the way. OK, like, a lot of shining awards.

那么为什么这全部要发作在我身上?我期望天主让我变得优异,而且嘉奖我的忠诚,只需一点小的奖赏就可以。好吧,我想要许多出色奖赏。

I believed that hardships were only detours on what I was certain would be my long, long life.

我信任磨难仅仅我人成长路上避不开的几条弯路罢了。

A极彩娱乐app-磨难是人生绕不开的弯路,但爱不会扔掉你s is this case with many of us, it's a mindset that served me well. The gospel of success drove me to achieve, to dream big, to abandon fear. It was a mindset that served me well until it didn't, until I was confronted with something I couldn't manage my way out of; until I found myself saying into the phone, "But I have a son," because it was all I could think of to say.

就像其别人那样,这种心态对我很有协助。成功神学唆使我尽力、志趣高远、扔掉惊骇。曾几何时,这种心态对我很有协助,直到现在,直到我遇到了一个无法处理的困难;直到我对着电话说:“但我还有个儿子呀,”由于我只能想到这句话。

That was the most difficult moment to accept: the phone call, the walk to the hospital, when I realized that my own personal prosperity gospel had failed me. Anything I thought was good or special about me could not save me -- my hard work, my personality, my humor, my perspective. I had to face the fact that my life is built with paper walls, and so is everyone else's.

那是最难以接受的一刻:那通电话,赶去医院,当我认识到自己的成功神学孤负了我。我自认为的优异品质或特质,都无法救我——作业尽力、品格杰出、机智幽默、眼光独道。我不得不接受这个现实:我的人生是纸糊的,别人的相同如此。

It is a hard thought to accept that we are all a breath away from a problem that could destroy something irreplaceable or alter our lives completely. We know that in life there are befores and afters. I am asked all the time to say that I would never go back, or that I've gained so much in perspective. And I tell them no, before was better.

很难接受,在瞬息之间会有困难彻底炸毁某些事物,或是彻底改变咱们的日子。咱们都知道在人生中,有“之前”和“之后”两个阶段。我一向被要求做到不要懊悔,或是我学到许多。但我要说不,之前才更好。

A few months after I got sick, I wrote about this and then I sent it off to an editor at the "New York Times." In retrospect, taking one of the most vulnerable moments of your life and turning into an op-ed is not an amazing way to feel less vulnerable.

在我患病后几个月,我写下这些,而且把它发给《纽约时报》的一位修改。回想起来,叙述一个你人生中最软弱的时间,并刊登在社论对页版,并不能有用减轻软弱的感觉。

I got thousands of letters and emails. I still get them every day. I think it is because of the questions I asked. I asked: How do you live without quite so many reasons for the bad things that happen? I asked: Would it be better to live without outrageous formulas for why people deserve what they get? And what was so funny and so terrible was, of course, I thought I asked people to simmer down on needing an explanation for the bad things that happened. So what did thousands of readers do? Yeah, they wrote to defend the idea that there had to be a reason for what happened to me. And they really want me to understand the reason. People want me to reassure them that my cancer is all part of a plan. A few letters even suggested it was God's plan that I get cancer so I could help people by writing about it. People are certain it is a test of my character or proof of something terrible I've done. They want me to know without a doubt that there is a hidden logic to this seeming chaos. They tell my husband, while I'm still in the hospital, that everything happens for a reason, and then stammer awkwardly when he says, "I'd love to hear it. I'd love to hear the reason my wife is dying."

我收到了数千份回信和邮件,现在每天还能收到一些,我认为这是由于我问的问题。我问:假如坏事平白无故地发作,你们是怎样活下去的?我问:假如不信任好人有好报的话,是不是能轻松地活下去?乃至愈加搞笑和糟糕的是,我要求人们冷静下来,不要再为坏事找缘由。那么数千名读者做了什么?他们在信中辩解说关于发作在我身上的事必定有一个缘由,而且他们十分想让我了解这个缘由。人们期望我向他们确保,我患癌症是某个方案的一部分。有几封信乃至提议说是天主方案让我得癌症,这样我就能写出这些,协助别人。人们坚信这是一场对我人道的测验,或是证明了我曾做过什么坏事。他们期望我毫不置疑的信任,在外表紊乱的背面隐藏着逻辑。当我还在医院的时分,他们告知我的老公,全部都事出有因,但当我老公说:“我想听听理由。我想知道为何我妻子命悬一线。”他们却又支支吾吾。

And I get it. We all want reasons. We want formulas to predict whether our hard work will pay off, whether our love and support will always make our partners happy and our kids love us. We want to live in a world in which not one ounce of our hard work or our pain or our deepest hopes will be for nothing. We want to live in a world in which nothing is lost.

然后我懂了,咱们都想知道原因,咱们都期望这些“原则”可以猜测咱们的尽力是否会取得报答,咱们的爱和支撑是否会让咱们的伴侣高兴、让咱们的孩子爱咱们。咱们都期望在这个国际上,每一分尽力、苦楚或是最深的期望会得到报答,咱们都期望国际上不会有期望失败。

But what I have learned in living with stage IV cancer is that there is no easy correlation between how hard I try and the length of my life. In the last three years, I've experienced more pain and trauma than I ever thought I could survive. I realized the other day that I've had so many abdominal surgeries that I'm on my fifth belly button, and this last one is my least favorite.

若说从四期癌症中我学到了什么,那便是在我的尽力和我的寿数没有任何的联络。在最近的三年中,我接受了许多苦楚与伤口,远超我觉得自己可以接受的规模。另一天我认识到我现已阅历过太多腹部手术,我的肚脐现已换过4次,而最新的这颗是我最不喜爱的。

But at the same time, I've experienced love, so much love, love I find hard to explain. The other day, I was reading the findings of the Near Death Experience Research Foundation, and yes, there is such a thing. People were interviewed about their brushes with death in all kinds of circumstances: car accidents, labor and delivery, suicides. And many reported the same odd thing: love. I'm sure I would have ignored it if it hadn't reminded me of something I had experienced, something I felt uncomfortable telling anyone: that when I was sure that I was going to die, I didn't feel angry. I felt loved. It was one of the most surreal things I have experienced. In a time in which I should have felt abandoned by God, I was not reduced to ashes. I felt like I was floating, floating on the love and prayers of all those who hummed around me like worker bees, bringing me notes and socks and flowers and quilts embroidered with words of encouragement. But when they sat beside me, my hand in their hands, my own suffering began to feel like it had revealed to me the suffering of others. I was entering a world of people just like me, people stumbling around in the debris of dreams they thought they were entitled to and plans they didn't realize they had made. It was a feeling of being more connected, somehow, with other people, experiencing the same situation.

但一起,我也阅历了爱,无量无尽的爱,很难用言语来描绘。某天,我正在阅览濒死体会研讨基金会的一份研讨报告,这种东西确实存在。他们采访了各种情况下人们与逝世擦肩而过的体会:事故、临产、自杀。许多人提到了相同的奇怪事:爱。我确认假如它没能唤醒我的回忆,让我想起一些不想告知别人的事,我肯定会无视它:当我坚信自己会逝世的时分,我没有感到愤恨,我感觉被爱着。这是我所阅历过最古怪的事之一。当我应该感到被天主扔掉的时分,我并未化为灰烬。我觉得自己漂浮着,漂浮在爱与祈求之上,它们来自环绕在我周围、如蜜蜂般嗡嗡作响的人,给我带来慰劳卡、袜子和鲜花,还有上面绣有鼓舞言语的被子。但当他们坐在我的身旁,抓住我的手时,我的苦楚如同不再归于我,变成了我感知的别人的苦楚。我正进入像我相同的人的国际,人们在破碎的期望前哆嗦,曾认为自己有才能完成;在破碎的方案前战栗,没认识到他们已拟定这些方案。我觉得自己与别人的联络加深,体会着相同的阅历。

And that feeling stayed with me for months. In fact, I'd grown so accustomed to it that I started to panic at the prospect of losing it. So I began to ask friends, theologians, historians, nuns I liked, "What打开 I am I going to do when that loving feeling is gone?" And they knew exactly what I was talking about, because they had either experienced it themselves or they'd read about it in great works of Christian theology. And they said, "Yeah, it'll go. The feelings will go. And there will be no formula for how to get it back." But they offered me this little piece of reassurance, and I clung to it. They said, "When the feelings recede like the tides, they will leave an imprint."

这种感觉,环绕了我几个月。现实上,我习惯于这个感觉,乃至开端忧虑未来会失掉它。所以我开端问询我喜爱的朋友、神学家、历史学家和修女:“等我感觉不到被爱着了,我要做什么?”他们了解我在说什么,由于他们或是自己阅历过,或是在基督教义中学到过。他们答复:“任它去。这个感觉会消失的。没办法让它回来。”但他们供给给我这小小确实保,而我接受了。他们说:“当这个感觉如潮水一般退去时,它会留下印记。”

And they do. And it is not proof of anything, and it is nothing to boast about. It was just a gift. So I can't respond to the thousands of emails I get with my own five-step plan to divine health and magical floating feelings. I see that the world is jolted by events that are wonderful and terrible, gorgeous and tragic. I can't reconcile the contradiction, except that I am beginning to believe that these opposites do not cancel each other out. Life is so beautiful, and life is so hard.

确实如此。这不能证明任何事情,也没有可夸耀的当地,这是一件礼物。所以我无法用我的5步崇高健康方案和奇特的漂浮感来回复那数千份邮件。我发现国际被各种事情轰动,它们或喜或悲,或富丽,或惨烈。我无法调和矛盾,除了我开端信任这双面不会彼此抵消。生命是如此的夸姣,生命又是如此的困难。

Today, I am doing quite well. The immunotherapy drugs appear to be working, and we are watching and waiting with scans. I hope I will live a long time. I hope I will live long enough to embarrass my son and to watch my husband lose his beautiful hair. And I think I might. But I am learning to live and to love without counting the cost, without reasons and assurances that nothing will be lost.

现在,我的情况还不错。免疫疗法的药物如同起作用了,而咱们正在调查等候新的扫描成果。我期望自己能活得持久,我期望能活到玩弄我儿子的那一刻,能看到我老公那美丽的头发掉光。我觉得或许自己能活那么久。但我正在学习怎样日子、怎样去爱,不计价值,也没有任何确保和理由说不会失掉任何事物。

Life will break your heart, and life may take everything you have and everything you hope for. But there is one kind of prosperity gospel that I believe in. I believe that in the darkness, even there, there will be beauty, and there will be love. And every now and then, it will feel like more than enough.

日子会伤透你的心,日子可能会拿走你具有的全部,你期望的全部。但我信任一种成功神学,我信任即使是在黑暗里,也会有夸姣,也会有爱。时不时地,如同总是有无尽的爱与夸姣。

Thank you.

谢谢。

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